Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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