Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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