Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
