fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
