i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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