Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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