Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
