You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
