$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
