I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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