I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
