in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
