I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
