thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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