i think i have two assholes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
