1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
