OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
