Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
