who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
