Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
