chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
