So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
