she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
