I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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