Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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