he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize