Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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