Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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