I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize