Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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