I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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