i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
