dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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