I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
