I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
