i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
