Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
