we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
