i think my tv is drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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