i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
