I think my vagina is haunted
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
