i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
