Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
