dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
