awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
