Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
