Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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