god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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