you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I smell stomach acid.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
