stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
