She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
