your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
