I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
