Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
