i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
