WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
