Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
