fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
