dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
