I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i think i just lost a toe
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
