Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
