Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
