Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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