dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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