My nipple is on Facebook.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
