I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
