He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
