we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
