I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
