don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize