you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I enjoy the company of your penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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