the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
