You made me cry and you don't even care
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
