Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize