Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
