Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
