If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
