I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize