are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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