relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
