I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
