Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
