she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize